More – November 2010

I am sitting outside the house under the old apple tree in glorious sunshine. It (the weather) really should not be like this. This is Normandy (Northern France) and it should be cold and wet. This is what our friends in the Vienne told us when we talked about “emigrating”. – Edith (local taxi) assured us that it only rains twice a year in Normandy – Once in the Summer and once in the Winter. It is certainly true that we get an Atlantic climate here. It is really very similar to Cornwall, which suits me very well. The church clock is tolling because it is All Saints day, a national holiday and a Monday, which means that the French have another excuse for shutting down everything. Not that they need an excuse for not working. It was all explained to me. The French do not work on a Monday as a way to make up for working on a Saturday. “But” I said, “Most of them don’t”; “Ah” said my friend, “But they might and anyway it’s All Saints’ day and that makes it a Public Holiday”; “But,” I said, “France is anti-clerical and it has 3 hour lunches”, “So what are you? Some sort of Anglo Saxon work bigot? – you wish to subvert the spirituality of the French soul?” “No I just want to be able to do some shopping on a Monday and between 1 and 2 in the afternoon – and perhaps in August”. August is a buggeration. I remember going to an ironmonger’s and asking for a particular widget. This was in May, Monsieur the Shop made a face; “I will have it for you in September” “But surely you can get it before then?” “Not during August, Monsieur” I left in a Saxon rage and complained to my Vietnamese neighbour. “But” said my neighbour, “you have to understand that the whole of France puts its’ bucket and spade in the back of the car and spends August on the beach with the family. “That is serious” I said, “It could be” he said, “but the French are not a serious people and nothing is allowed to disturb the family holiday, which is what August is for”. So I never did get the urgent widget and by the time September came round, I found that I had coped so well, that I dis-ordered it from the Shop and I still have managed to hack on without it. This shows that there really is nothing wrong with the French that could not be put right by a good Drill Sergeant.
A good example of the French ‘work ethic’ is demonstrated by France Telecom – the French telephone system which is so useless that even the French realise it, to the extent that it has the highest rate of suicide amongst its’ employees. I remember the Dragon Lady and I having a mobile telephone problem and taking it to the FT office in Poitiers. We got nowhere and I remember that there was a nice Frenchman in the queue behind us, who said (in perfect English) “You must remember Madame, that France Telecom is not for working – it is a government charity”.
Another example of French efficiency as we were preparing to leave the Vienne – they put up a wind farm just up the road. It did not worry us, but when a friend rang up the other day I did ask him how it was going. “Ah” he said, “not well”. It seemed that much money had been spent on a firm of experts from Germany to erect the wind farm. It was unfortunate that having had permission to erect 10 windmills, which was done and the money paid, it was then discovered that the wiring would not stand the power from 10 wind things running at once. That after all the fuss and local unhappiness the system would only allow 5 turbines to turn at the same time.
Vive la France.